Friday, September 25, 2015

Hi There, 

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the Ikea Desk for $80. You mention that it is solid birch however this is not the case. Here is a link to the desk you are selling as you will see it is not solid birch and sells new for $39.99. So I just have a few questions: 

1) Why are you such a liar?

2) Would you accept $60?

3) Where can I pick it up?


Any evening between 6:30 PM and 8:30 Pm will be fine with us.
Our final price will be $60.

Tough call. I guess I have to decide if "a few minor scratches" increases the value of something by 50%. I guess it does, right?

OK I’m in. Can we meet at an Ikea? 

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Hellmann's Mayonnaise - $3

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the Hellmann's Mayonnaise for $3. I guess I am kidding myself to think that there is a chance that it is still available, BUT... if it is I am obviously interested. I am (and I'm sure most people are) always interested in reducing my condiment costs, for example this month I have spend over two dollars on ketchup alone. I can't think of a better way to chip away at my mayo overhead than to purchase it from someone online at a slightly reduced price. Just to be sure that this isn't some sort of scam, could you please let me know a little bit about yourself and your mayonnaise? I have just a few questions:

1) How is it that you are in a position to sell such a high end mayonnaise at this mildly reduced price?

2) Are you a Hellmann?

3) How long have you had the mayonnaise?

4) How has the mayonnaise been stored (temperature, lighting conditions, humidity, etc.)?

5) Why don't you just rip the last half paper towel off the roll and put the full roll that is sitting right there on the holder?

6) In your ad you mention that it is "Great Shape!!!!", I would say from the photographs that it seems like it is at best in "Great Shape!!", could you just summarize a little bit the method you used to evaluate the mayonnaise's condition?

7) Is the price negotiable?

Thank you.


yes, still have--do you want?????--when you come.


So I believe I asked you a few questions...

still have, do you still want--when you come--still good.

Please answer my questions.

still have, & still great shape----kept in cuppabard---not in fridge--never, ever been opened, or used--do u still want--

I see you are skilled at the art of negotiation. Would you be willing to accept one dollar?

you want it for $2.00???????

Paid like $5.00 for it---make me a offer--

think that $3.00 IS good, after paid $5.00---don't you??????

No I think $1.00 is good. $1.25 would also be good. You don’t think you are the only show in town do you? Craigslist is FULL of people unloading their surplus condiments. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

High-End Rugs x 2 - $1000 - UPDATED

Hi There,

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the High-End Rugs x 2. After examining the one low quality picture you have posted of only one of the rugs (which appears to maybe have tire marks on it?) I have decided to purchase both rugs for the full asking price of $1000. Please let me know the best way to get your money to you.


It's not tire marks, just the pattern. Looks like new when vacuumed.

The second one that I didn't put a pic of yet is like new, in a room we don't use.
They're about $1200 each new. Not selling both for $1000, that is each.

If you're really interested, come take a look at them Sun afternoon, and I'll make you a deal for both.
You can have both for $1400.

Call or text me at 416 xxx xxxx

Ya I hear you. I'm not going to break out the vacuum just for a couple grand either. I trust that they look better when vacuumed. 

Also, the other one is in a room that is so unused that you aren't even allowed to take a picture of it?? 

We just forgot. It's like new. We're selling hundreds of things.
Just come by and look instead of emailing me these comments.
I'm showing items this afternoon.

Call or text 426 xxx xxxx

Forgot to vacuum? Forgot to take a picture? Forgot to use that room?

Forgot to buy rugs somewhere else.

What are you talking about?

Oh, and here's the new one you're not getting genius.

Oh my. That one really is beautiful. How much is it?

$1600 for both. Email if interested.

Interested! I thought it was $1400 for both.

Was, but I changed my mind.

I can get a grand for the new one easily.

I can meet Wed eve. Let me know.

Are you able to transport them?

And with this kind of money, we'll be meeting in a police station parking lot.

Good call you can never be too safe. Wouldn’t want me to steal… my money?? 

You're not too bright eh?

How about you try to rob me for $1600 of rugs? In the news all the time.

You bug me with your retarded comments.

Don't think I want to sell to you.

I’m sorry I don’t mean to upset you, I really like you and your rugs. Unless... when you say “retarded comments” you mean that I am taking too long to respond?? 

Anyway, do people really get robbed for rugs all the time? That’s terrifying!