Wednesday, October 21, 2015


Hi there,

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the George FORMAN GRILL for $15

One thing that bothers me about buying new kitchen equipment is that the picture on the box is always so artificial. For example there is a similar product, The George Foreman Grill, that is available. On the box of this product you see the picture below. This is obviously not the natural setting for such an item. However, you my friend, have managed to capture the item in what is clearly its natural setting. Like Jane Goodall you have sacrificed the comforts of normal life to find an authentic experience. Your Tanzania though is not on a distant continent but rather right here in our own city only one story below sidewalk level hidden from the casual passerby. From the grease stain that can't (or maybe could if you cleaned the thing) be removed, to the traditional basement cooking rug on which culinary master pieces are created, you have let us get a brief glimpse into what our life would be if we were to purchase this item. I see myself now, wearing only underwear and one filthy tube sock, lying half in and half out of my bed (which is a futon on the floor) and wondering if the once frozen burger that I am about to grill was taken out of the freezer last night or the night before. Once my breakfast has finished cooking I alternate holding the red hot meat in one hand and then the other as I wipe the grease from my hands onto the rug as quickly as possible in order to minimize the burns to my fingers. Making a slurping sound I suck air into my mouth with each bite hoping to cool it and save some skin on the roof of my mouth. I wish longingly that there was even a drop of ketchup remaining in the bottle that lays on my pillow, but alas, that ship has sailed long ago. Does George know? Does he think that we are all grilling $35 t-bone steaks with all the fixings? Is he naive, or maybe he just doesn't care? If he were here would he have ketchup? Are there buns in his bedroom? What was I thinking when I decided to do a degree in philosophy? Where were you then George, could you not have put down your over-sized oven mitt for on minute and warned me that this was a bad decision? It's not even that there are no jobs (which is true but not the biggest problem). It is just doing nothing worth while for so long that kills your will for... well for anything. Anyhoo... is the price negotiable.

hi , forget the philosophy degree and become a tongue and cheek have given me the chuckle of the day per the infamous grill.....I am clearing a home for someone and selling off their items....the spot on the grill is 
permanent..??I think...??? you will have to cook around it.....we can make it $10  for your braveness into new adventures in cooking
.....or appliance repairs....let me know if totally interested.....

I'm too sad.

will it cheer you up if we make it 5$?????....cheer up  the glass is always half full.....

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Souvenir Plate: Estonia Tallin - $35

I accept your challenge to a traditional samurai duel. Your swords are of low quality and you will be vanquished. Please specify time and location.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Juicer - $40

Hi There,

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the juicer I am VERY interested, however, in the ad you say that it was "used only once, still in box". I see from the picture that you used it for juicing carrots. I have an extremely moderate carrot sensitivity and I am a little bit concerned that there could be carrot residue, carrot fibre, carrot juice, carrot skin, carrot seed, and/or carrot top remaining on the cover, the strainer, the fruit/vegetable hopper, the blade mechanism. the pulp extractor, the food pusher, the juice spout and/or the outer chassis. How sure are you that the juicer and all of its components are in a carrot-free state? (please note that officially Hawaii is the only carrot-free state. Also please note that although I have allowed myself one brief moment of levity with regard to the double meaning of the word state, my concerns listed above are serious).

Monday, October 5, 2015

Bank of Canada Canadian Dollar bill Dollar note for collectors $18

Hi there,

I saw your ad for the Bank of Canada Dollar bill Dollar note for collectors for $18.  In the ad you say "Shipping is also available. Can mail to you at $1 extra for postage" I think that $18 for postage is a little bit high. Don't you?


The ad says $1 extra, not $18 extra


Oh! Not sure why I thought $1 postage would cost $18. I must be really dumb.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Hi There, 

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the Ikea Desk for $80. You mention that it is solid birch however this is not the case. Here is a link to the desk you are selling as you will see it is not solid birch and sells new for $39.99. So I just have a few questions: 

1) Why are you such a liar?

2) Would you accept $60?

3) Where can I pick it up?


Any evening between 6:30 PM and 8:30 Pm will be fine with us.
Our final price will be $60.

Tough call. I guess I have to decide if "a few minor scratches" increases the value of something by 50%. I guess it does, right?

OK I’m in. Can we meet at an Ikea? 

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Hellmann's Mayonnaise - $3

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the Hellmann's Mayonnaise for $3. I guess I am kidding myself to think that there is a chance that it is still available, BUT... if it is I am obviously interested. I am (and I'm sure most people are) always interested in reducing my condiment costs, for example this month I have spend over two dollars on ketchup alone. I can't think of a better way to chip away at my mayo overhead than to purchase it from someone online at a slightly reduced price. Just to be sure that this isn't some sort of scam, could you please let me know a little bit about yourself and your mayonnaise? I have just a few questions:

1) How is it that you are in a position to sell such a high end mayonnaise at this mildly reduced price?

2) Are you a Hellmann?

3) How long have you had the mayonnaise?

4) How has the mayonnaise been stored (temperature, lighting conditions, humidity, etc.)?

5) Why don't you just rip the last half paper towel off the roll and put the full roll that is sitting right there on the holder?

6) In your ad you mention that it is "Great Shape!!!!", I would say from the photographs that it seems like it is at best in "Great Shape!!", could you just summarize a little bit the method you used to evaluate the mayonnaise's condition?

7) Is the price negotiable?

Thank you.


yes, still have--do you want?????--when you come.


So I believe I asked you a few questions...

still have, do you still want--when you come--still good.

Please answer my questions.

still have, & still great shape----kept in cuppabard---not in fridge--never, ever been opened, or used--do u still want--

I see you are skilled at the art of negotiation. Would you be willing to accept one dollar?

you want it for $2.00???????

Paid like $5.00 for it---make me a offer--

think that $3.00 IS good, after paid $5.00---don't you??????

No I think $1.00 is good. $1.25 would also be good. You don’t think you are the only show in town do you? Craigslist is FULL of people unloading their surplus condiments. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

High-End Rugs x 2 - $1000 - UPDATED

Hi There,

I saw your ad on Craigslist for the High-End Rugs x 2. After examining the one low quality picture you have posted of only one of the rugs (which appears to maybe have tire marks on it?) I have decided to purchase both rugs for the full asking price of $1000. Please let me know the best way to get your money to you.


It's not tire marks, just the pattern. Looks like new when vacuumed.

The second one that I didn't put a pic of yet is like new, in a room we don't use.
They're about $1200 each new. Not selling both for $1000, that is each.

If you're really interested, come take a look at them Sun afternoon, and I'll make you a deal for both.
You can have both for $1400.

Call or text me at 416 xxx xxxx

Ya I hear you. I'm not going to break out the vacuum just for a couple grand either. I trust that they look better when vacuumed. 

Also, the other one is in a room that is so unused that you aren't even allowed to take a picture of it?? 

We just forgot. It's like new. We're selling hundreds of things.
Just come by and look instead of emailing me these comments.
I'm showing items this afternoon.

Call or text 426 xxx xxxx

Forgot to vacuum? Forgot to take a picture? Forgot to use that room?

Forgot to buy rugs somewhere else.

What are you talking about?

Oh, and here's the new one you're not getting genius.

Oh my. That one really is beautiful. How much is it?

$1600 for both. Email if interested.

Interested! I thought it was $1400 for both.

Was, but I changed my mind.

I can get a grand for the new one easily.

I can meet Wed eve. Let me know.

Are you able to transport them?

And with this kind of money, we'll be meeting in a police station parking lot.

Good call you can never be too safe. Wouldn’t want me to steal… my money?? 

You're not too bright eh?

How about you try to rob me for $1600 of rugs? In the news all the time.

You bug me with your retarded comments.

Don't think I want to sell to you.

I’m sorry I don’t mean to upset you, I really like you and your rugs. Unless... when you say “retarded comments” you mean that I am taking too long to respond?? 

Anyway, do people really get robbed for rugs all the time? That’s terrifying!